i used to think i knew what love was

but now

i find it hard to believe it exists at all

and the people around me make it seem so easy and accessible 

and I’m just here holding on to the faintest memory of what I used to know love was

and then I was betrayed

and it’s shattered

and now

i don’t think i’ll ever love like i used to

because

it’s been ruined for me

and i see everyone else and i just think

how lucky they are to still have untainted love in their lives

and i hate and envy them at the same time

and it just makes me hate myself for feeling that way

sorry